My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
