I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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