She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
