college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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