I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
vagina is talking i cant
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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