look no pants
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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