I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
