you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
