Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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