I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
