And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Apparently you make a good broom.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
