TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
