Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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