I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
