i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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