you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
