Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I know her cup size but not her name....
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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