You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
