Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
