know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
