I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
