Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
