She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
organizing the empties. That sober.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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