Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
