We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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