I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
