dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
