and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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