"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
