the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize