My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
