I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize