Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
