"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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