New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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