I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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