i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
