I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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