I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
