i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
