Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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