Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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