Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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