thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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