She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
