dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
