Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
