Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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