Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
