Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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