I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
