i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
