I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
