i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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