what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
