Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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