I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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