I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
