At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You are a genius and a whore.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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