WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
