fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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