Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
