Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...