I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
