yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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